Getting Through Homeschooling Burnout
I can remember the day when I knew I had a problem.
When we first returned to the area, my husband’s job was in Center City Philadelphia. I specifically chose to settle on the Jersey side of Philly because the NJ homeschooling laws are much more lax.
After a few years, my husband wanted a new job and like most of the jobs he considered, they were all in the suburbs of PA.
The commute would have been near impossible, so we moved back to Pennsylvania. Although it was good to be near family again, I really hated the PA homeschooling laws. With PA, I felt there were too many requirements and it only added to my stress.
My oldest was starting middle school and I was really starting to feel the academic pressure. High school and college were things I could actually see on the horizon.
Middle school kind of felt like the preliminaries of high school. I was going to have to figure out what I was doing and how I was going to do it. Not to mention that I was going to have to formally track curriculum and what they were learning. This was way too much detail for my non-detailed mind!
I was also starting to greatly dislike homeschooling. I would scroll through the websites of different private schools, charter schools and any other type of school and would call and speak with the people there just to try to give myself hope. It was almost like therapy cause they would always be happy, positive people telling me the wonderful aspects of their institution and how happy their students were.
Plus, my kids were getting older and becoming much more aware and vocal about their lives. They were starting to have opinions about what they wanted to study, the curriculum I was choosing and the activities they wanted to do.
We had also moved into a small neighborhood with tons of kids. It really was a storybook neighborhood of cute homes, sunshine, green grass and kids playing everywhere. This was also the first time my kids were surrounded on a daily basis by kids who were not homeschooled. Eventually, one of my kids became very unhappy with homeschooling and wanted to go to school, which only added to my stress.
All he saw was that the kids looked happy each morning as they walked down the hill together to the bus stop (the sun was always shining, of course!) and they would return together in the afternoon. I will admit, it looked like a lot of fun to me too!
My husband was also trying to deal with a multitude of health problems which could not be ignored anymore.
All of this came together and one night I couldn’t stop vomiting, and for a person who never vomits, it was scary.
I wound up in the hospital and was diagnosed with a bowel intussusception.
I was burned out.
I wanted to stop homeschooling but I knew that wasn’t the answer. On top of that, if I made a decision like that, it would have to be done during a more positive time.
So if you are having a very difficult year, are suffering from burnout and need a break, this is what I did.
I went back to the 3 Rs. It’s amazing how these three subjects really are the backbone of a great education.
My kids were able to continue on with math because I always chose curriculum that was student independent. And because I was always so afraid of falling behind or missing something in math, it was a subject that do or die, they did every day. So they were already used to it.
We continued on with our grammar text because that too was more self teaching.
I would have them write a few things from the assignments given in the grammar text, and I would just quickly read through it and not give much critique. I just wanted them to get something down on paper.
I always continued on with our read aloud time, since that has always been my favorite part of homeschooling.
My kids did lots and lots of reading. I already had a large collection of books from all our years of buying Sonlight.
Plus, I taught my kids how to look for and place holds on books at our public library. I’d get emails when the books were pulled aside and ready for pick up. Sometimes I’d go in and there’d be thirty books waiting.
Seriously, whatever I’ve paid in property taxes during my kids’ school years were all worth it for the library use alone!
Join co-ops and activities where there is no commitment from you.
When my kids were younger, we always did co-ops where the parent had to stay and contribute in some way. This worked great because that was what I wanted and needed at the time. I loved getting to know other homeschooling families and the friendships that developed. I found so much encouragement from interacting with these families. I taught classes at co-op and loved working with the kids.
But by the time my kids reached the middle school years, I needed more time to myself and less with kids, so I found a drop-off co-op and let me tell you, I cherished those 3 hours each week! Sometimes I would go back home and take care of things there but most of the time, I’d run errands trying to catch up on life.
I should have used those hours to just be by myself and relax. That would have been the best use of time. But none the less, having that bit of time to be silent and not answer any questions and not to have to say a word to anyone was magical!
Schedule playdates for your kids.
The playdates help keep your kids’ lives happy, and when the kids are happy, it doesn’t add guilt which would make the burnout worse. I’ve never tried to hide the ugly parts of life from my kids. They will one day experience them too. They can see me sad, tired and I would tell them I was struggling with life.
I want my kids to see me working through my issues and while I am struggling, they should see that I am still faithful to my work. And since I am a homeschooling mom, and their life is in my hands, their needs take automatic priority.
When you are setting up playdates, consider the kid(s) you are having over. Make it clear that it’s just for the particular kid(s)! Not the mom and siblings. This is a time where you must put your needs first and if you host several people just so your kids can play, it will burn you out.
Pick kids who are well mannered and don’t cause more work by making messes. These are the kids where they all just run off and play Legos and games for hours and the only requirement from you is to feed and be available. This will give you a few good hours to yourself and your kids are happy and tired.
And make sure there is no meal prep. Feed them pizza or chicken nuggets OUTSIDE and call it a picnic! They love it and there is no food mess for you to clean.
Take meals down to bare bones.
Everything that surrounds eating takes up so much time and energy, this needs to go on auto-pilot as much as possible. I have served rice with cut up hot dogs more times than I care to admit and I have no regrets.
Write up a basic daily schedule for yourself and the kids to follow. Something as basic as “get-up”, “read”, “math”. This will reduce decision fatigue and the amount of questions fired at you from the kids.
For this season, cut out any activity that drains you.
I cut out women’s Bible study groups.
These groups are based on a give and take and I had no emotional energy to give. I also knew that I was in a dark place and honestly for me, I need to be alone during times like that. If you are a person who needs the relational support, then do the opposite and join as many groups as you need.
There were more things going on during those years and they were tough. Sometimes people ask how long it took to get out of the burnout and I can honestly say…when I finished homeschooling? hahaha
More than “coming out” from burnout, I’d say that those were transformative years. I came out of those years humbled. I came out with more conviction and commitment to homeschooling and I was a different person. I finally understood that I was not getting off this train and that I knew I was going to finish.
If you are struggling with continuing but you know homeschooling is right for you, press on!
You have taken on a huge responsibility and it is a heavy load. Nothing worth having is ever easy, right? And I can promise you, it will be worth it in the end.
