Keep others out of your marriage

As newlyweds, my husband and I had another couple that we used to hang out with regularly. We did lots of stuff together and I enjoyed their company.

Then they had their first child and soon after I had mine.

Then one day, when my daughter was six months old, my friend took me aside and started scolding me. She told me that because I did not make my husband wake up in the middle of the night to help with our baby, that I was “spoiling him and would turn him into a bad father”. That’s a quote!

Of course, I felt very self-conscious. I didn’t know what to say. And so of course, my husband and I had a fight about it that night even though I was not bothered by it at all and couldn’t have cared less!

Back then, neither my husband nor I knew the medical terms for what he was experiencing but now we know that he suffers from terrible hormone induced migraines.

His hormones go nuts when he doesn’t sleep well. Even without an infant, he doesn’t sleep well 80% of the time.

After decades of doctors, medications, sleep changes, even moving homes, we know more about his health. But we didn’t back then.

My foolish friend didn’t know that my husband would get migraines that felt like ice picks in his eyes and all over his head if he didn’t sleep. She didn’t know that when he got these migraines, he had a hard time seeing the computer screen and that his speech would slur. Which would obviously put his job at risk. My friend didn’t know that this was what we decided as a married couple to do so that he could go to work each day since he was the sole breadwinner and so that our baby would have her mom.

She didn’t know that I loved caring for my dream baby all through the night. She was everything I had ever wanted and every minute with her brought me joy.

The decisions we made worked for our family.

And I had to let that friend go because she was affecting me.

That’s how you make a marriage work. Keep others (including in-laws) out.